Bye bye bloggie!

I'm abandoning this blog, and moving on to a journal!
Whoooooo hoooooo I'll feel so freeeeeee! Hahaha :)

Ahhh!

I feel like there's this heavy cloud of sadness just swirling around me.
I can't even really pinpoint where it's coming from though,
what's happening in my life to make me feel this way.
Aggghhhhhh, I just want to scream at the top of my lungs.
I actually think I'm going to go grab a pillow and do just that..

:)

I just finished writing a song.
The lyrics came so quickly!
Literally, I wrote it in less than an hour.
But all the words are God's.
I definitely didn't do this by my might and strength,
God used me to get His words into a song. :)
I'll be performing it sometime this week or next in front of the 40 high schoolers in my Concert Choir class.
I'm so excited!
I wonder what God will stir up in their hearts.
<3

Praise God :)

I'm so thankful for the people God has placed in my life.
I've really got some amazing friendships.

"it sounds cheesy but sometimes we're just not able to do anything.. and then it's totally a thing between the person and God.. but we shouldn't give up either... just do what you think is right ... I'm 100 % sure the Holy Spirit will guide you through this and show you what to do. Just be there for her. I'll be praying for you and your friend, and I hope you're gonna have an awesome day today....
Ephesians 3: 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

let her feel that love"

Good Morning.

Dang.

This had been a hard week.
I have a Chemistry test today 5th hour..
and I'd be extremely thrilled with a D on it.
I have no idea what I'm doing in that class right now.

I went to visit Lauren yesterday,
and it ended up being completely and utterly emotionally draining.

Blah.

I'm really glad I get to go to youth tomorrow.
Just thinking about it makes me breathe a little easier.

Okay, well.
I'm going to get to school early so I can finish some of my homework.

Peace in. :P

:(

I'm trying to hold on..
but it is like clinging to a bar of soap?
Is holding so tightly you making you slip away?

God,

Why would I drive a wedge between us?
How could I do this to myself?.. to You?
It's time to start over.
It's time to decide to let You guide me.
It's time to get over the past, and even the present.
I'm going to look ahead, and look to You, God.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.

Today

I hopefully get to see Robby. :D
He's been away for 8 months...
with juvie then rehab.
He really is a good person though,
he was one of my very best friends.
So I'm really excited to see him!
He said he's grown 8 inches!
I'm not sure if I believe him.. haha.
But anyways, my mom's birthday is TOMORROW! :)
I really want to get her a huge teddy bear,
but the biggest one I've been able to find is only 18 inches.
Hmmmm, I guess I'm gonna go look some more!

AMAZING

Distance Is Never On Our Side..

..It only seems to make our dreams collide.

:D

Matthis wrote a song, but left out the lyrics so I could write them :)

Consider It All Joy!

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete-
lacking nothing.

There's no doubt about it;
we WILL go through trials in our lives.
However, how cool is this!
We are able to benefit from the hard times in our lives!
I just keep reading this,
and re-reading it..
knowing that I AM ABLE to grow through these difficult times.
It makes me excited,
and even more sure that everything will be okay. :)

Ugh.

I can't even get it into words,
but basically..
Today is not my favorite.

I hate feeling like this.

Too much has changed.

Welllll,

I'm great at decisions...
until my emotions come into play.

Mary.

You trusted me today.
You told me of your past.
You opened up your heart,
and let your feelings out at last.
The tears fell from your eyes.
You said "A devil lives in me.
No medication in this world
is as strong as I need it to be."

Your life is about to change.
God's letting Himself in.
You don't know it yet,
but you're being healed within.

My prayers for you have begun,
and I'm witnessing their effect.
You're heart is open and willing,
and it soon will be in tact.

Deep Breath,

let it out.

You have nothing to fear,
God is holding your hand.

Don't look at the circumstances surrounding you,
let God lead your way.

He's right in front of you,
let Him capture your gaze.

Deep breath,
let it out.

You'll make it through this time.

Ohh... Okay.

So this is what it's like to feel alone.

Muster Up A Little Strength.

Just think about it.
-One strong decision
-One time NOT backing down
-One day ignoring desires
-One situation and choosing to ignore the feelings attatched to it
-One night spending time with God
-One day putting Him first
-One moment listening to His promptings
-One page of the Bible instead of screens filled with gossip
-One choice to follow Him instead of your thoughts and feelings

It's possible! We just have to take it just one moment at a time. :)

It's Time, Alyssa.

It's time to turn the page.
Quit re-reading old stories.
Don't go back to old habits.
Press forward.
Write a NEW page.
Begin a new chapter!
Do you realize what this is?
It's a fresh start!
How many times have you wished for one?
Don't miss this chance.
Don't trip yourself up with so many questions.
Never think "What if..."
Understand that you are NOT the
sum total of what you think and feel.
Start grasping what's important- what really matters.
It's okay to be afraid; it's okay to not know what to do next.
It's a good thing to let God guide you.
It's finally time.
You're finally willing to give up your strength.
Today is a new day,
and you're letting yourself spend it with Jesus.
:)

Hmm,

I feel better today; I woke up this morning feeling exhausted, but okay. I'm not sure if I'm just growing numb, or if my heart is being healed. Either way, today is better than yesterday.

I really kinda miss Matthis. It's hard to believe how fast you can begin to get to know someone. He was only in America for 2 weeks, and now he's back in Germany. It's crazy to think that we'll probably never see each other again. Oh well though, I have my memories. He really is a great guy. :)

:/

It does hurt a bit when your best friend becomes very distant.

:)

My mom woke me up this morning and surprised me with rainboots!!! :) I've been looking for them everywhere, unable to find any. However, she found them and bought them for me! And she blessed me by giving me some money :)

Tonight is going to be awesome! It's Dinner Concert, and I'm doing our 18 minute medley with Knightsound.. with lots of dancing, and I'm singing with Concert Choir as well. Aaalllllsssoo, I'm singing On My Own by Les Mis with Danny Justus playing the guitar! Yay!!!

<3

Ahhhh, I'm so glad I'm where I'm at in life right now, and so grateful for all the people God has so strategically placed in my paths!! God is so creative! I love how perfectly He works friendships and relationships together :)

Dear Alyssa, Let's Do This.

"Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it." -Psalm 34:14

I'm positive that if I practice this, I will immediately notice the benefits of it. How great would life be if every morning instead of complaining how early it was.. instead I praised God and thanked Him for the wonderful day He blessed me with?. How beautiful would my life be if I spent time alone with just me and God every morning and night?.

These are my goals for the week:
-Every morning: read my Bible, pray about my day, and praise Him before even getting out of bed. -Throughout every day: keep God number 1 in my mind, while focusing on letting Him be the center of every part of my life. -Every night: write or talk to God about my day, tell Him how beautiful, how wonderful, how perfect He is, and thank Him.

Curiosity.

I was asked a question today that made me think a little bit more than other questions would.
"What does a relationship mean to you?" he asked.
This question could be percieved as pushy or rude, but coming from him.. I'm positive the question was asked out of pure curiosity.

My thoughts started swirling unexpectedly, and before I knew it I had proceeded to tell him all my thoughts, hopes, wishes, and dreams when it came to the one, special guy I'll end up with someday.

I'm not even sure if I know him yet, but I love to think about what it'll be like someday. I love praying about him, knowing that God is going to place our lives in the perfect paths for us.. so that they will join into one someday.

Ahhhhhh, I love this stage in my life: waiting. I know that it's so vital to the outcome, for waiting only increased the joy of the expectancy! I love that God makes us strong while we wait, too. It's wonderful how He can be involved in every part of our lives! Even the parts where nothing really is going on.

:)

Dear God,

Good morning! Thank you so much for such a beautiful day. The frozen grass outside today is a hint that winter is on its way. It will always amaze me how you've placed this world so delicately in the center of your hand, and that you know exactly how to shift the seasons. You truly are beautiful, Father.

I've always known how desperately I need you, but it's been on my mind so strongly these days how true that statement really is. Lord, I'm recommitting my life to You this morning. I'm giving you my entire life, each and every part of it. No longer will I be excluding You from small fractions of myself. I am NOT going to let myself put anything before You. I want You to be the Lord of my life, not just a friend I turn to for advice every so often. I don't want to disappoint You, God. I want to get to Heaven and stand in awe of You as you smile at me and say "Well done, good and faithful servant." Thank You for loving me unconditionally, and thank You for letting me get to know You and who You really are more and more each day.

I love you.

Your Child,
Alyssa.

"I can finally see that You're right there beside me. I am not my own, for I have been made new. Please don't let me go, I desperately need You."